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And finally, here's the last post for the night. It's about work. I haven't had a lot of it lately because we've been running out of work and they've been telling me to stay home. As anyone who bothers to read this likely knows, I'm not a huge fan of my current job. I also knew that this day would come, although I was hoping that it would come a little bit later. That being said, I worked twice this week, so it's not as dire as I thought last week when I was called off all together. I'm definitely going to have to dip into my savings, though, which sucks.

Also, being at work less frequently made me realize how much I really dislike my job. And I'm not just talking about the boring nature of it (there are lots of jobs like that). I'm talking about constantly being bombarded with charts dealing with disease, death, sexual assault, abuse, etc. It wasn't until I had such a long hiatus that I realize how much it bothers me (I'd never survive up on the floor) and how tired I am of it. It's why (even though I don't have to look as desperately and quickly as I thought) I want to start doing something else. I talked to my father and he said the college might be hiring some tutors in Spring Term. That sounds like something that would appeal to me (although I have some misgivings, which I might talk about in a later post). Sadly, however, I don't have any experience, but I did see a sign at SOU about Peer Tutoring and I'm curious about whether I could use that to get some experience under my belt; certainly, I have the time and skill to do it. Plus, I can see whether or not I would even enjoy it.

So, yeah, there's my last month in a nutshell (or four of them, at least). Things are generally good, although I haven't done any driving (honestly, I've lost the drive - no pun intended). I will try to keep things updated here better, so I don't have to resort to marathon posting like this. We'll see if I'm successful. :)
Plus ça changé, plus ça même chose, I suppose, as I seem to be organizing my updates around the same stuff I've always talked about. First was gaming, second was French, and now it's the gym.

Anyway, in an earlier entry, I mentioned a guy who I thought was hitting on me and who I hadn't seen again afterward. Well, I ended up running into him again and I decided to just take a chance and talk with him, and I'm quite glad I did, because we've actually become pretty good friends. Strangely, I correctly assumed he was gay, but now I'm not so sure if he was hitting on me. (I wonder if that's a big problem with gay guys like it is with women; when you are just being friendly and the other person reads too much into it.) Anyway, we've been working out together over the past month and although his workouts are much tougher than I what I was doing, it's certainly been worth it. Sadly, however, I don't think I'm getting everything I can out of it because I've become much less disciplined about my eating (I ate a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream tonight, for example), so I don't look like someone who has been doing an hour of weight training and an hour of cardiovascular exercise pretty much every day. I am holding steady at about 150, though, and I have at least a little bit of definition as well. (That being said, I look a little pathetic working out next to him; let's just say I'm not quite in as good of shape.) Ironically, we've also gone swimming together as well and while we've never gone out for a cup of coffee, we've gone out for a few drinks a couple of times. But yeah, he's pretty cool. He's a biology major, likes reading, not religious in the slightest, and fairly liberal, which is a nice change, living in the creationist, right-wing, ultra-fundamentalist cesspool I currently inhabit.

Speaking of guys I've gotten to know, there's also a guy working at the coffee stand I go and he actually talks to people. It's funny because he's pretty much everything I should despise: a preppy, spoiled rich jock who spends tons of money on designer clothes and wears ten pounds of gel in his hair. However, I actually kind of like him for some strange reason, he's pretty nice (if a touch shallow) and funny (sometimes unintentionally). And he actually likes talking to me, which is always a plus (and a rare thing to find).
So French class was pretty good this term. (Yes, I am still going with that.) It was a different professor and a different school, which took some getting used to, but once I did it was enjoyable. I really liked the professor; he was very engaging and good at communicating in the language and explaining concepts without having to revert to English. Strangely, I have a different professor next term before I have him again in 203.

The material was strange, though. It felt like I had gone back in time and was going back over the stuff I learned in my first year, albeit at a somewhat faster pace. I must confess that aspect probably led to a little bit of coasting near the end of the term, but nevertheless I did fairly well in the class. (I am glad to be having a little bit of a break before I plunge into 202, however.)

Socially, it was a struggle at first, as it was difficult to get a conversational toehold with many of my classmates. Strangely (or not so strangely, depending on your perspective), the women in my class were particularly not interested in talking to me (to be fair, though, there were some people - including women - who were nice). However, I was able to meet one guy in my class who is a really cool guy. I actually really first started talking to him on the bus ride over to school. We've hung out a few times outside of class and we actually have a lot of stuff in common (we're really into the same types of books, films, and conversational subjects). He's also the one I mentioned who was interested in giving role-playing games a try, which would be cool if he ended up enjoying it. I've also been introduced to some people through him and although I don't know any of them that well yet, they seem like pretty nice people.

So French has been a success thus far, even taking into account the likely lack of applicability it will have in my life.
Well, as I've said it's been a while since I've posted here and probably even longer since I've posted something substantial. However, I'm stuck at home tonight with nothing to do so I figure now is as good a time as any to sit down and write some journal entries. (You'll notice the part one in the title.)

I guess I'll start with that concert that I mentioned last time I wrote an actual substantive post two months ago. It was fun. The people there were...interesting. I think I was the only one who didn't have long hair or multiple piercing or a bushy beard or a flannel vest or a bunch of tattoos, etc. (I think I would have fit in pretty well if I went there when I was 18, though, at least appearance-wise.) But it was a good show and it was great to see Jackson again. I also chatted with one of the guys he was touring with (I think his name was Josh...but I sadly can't remember for sure) and he was really cool as well. Most interesting moment: one of the members of the band afterward decided to play half the set in the nude. (I have to say the band put on a pretty good show, though.) I also picked up one of their CD's and it's quite enjoyable. (I also listened to his stuff on the Ribbon Drive mix CD, which I hadn't listened to up until that point and found it to be great as well.)

Speaking of Jackson, that leads me to gaming. Sadly, I haven't been able to do much of it lately, since my schedule hasn't lent itself to weekend trips up to Portland. I was going to go up this month, but I've been called off work a lot lately and I don't think I can afford the expense, unfortunately. I will definitely make it up for Gamestorm, however. That being said, there is a bright side, as I've found someone who is open to giving gaming a shot, so I'm hoping to perhaps get the chance to play some stuff down here. Also, I've made it a mission to do some playtesting of The Hydra and to at least try to push Jackson into publishing it because I personally think the game is awesome and a very unique experience, so I'm sure I'll be posting about that in the near future.
Which I haven't posted in for a month. It's strange because my life, although it's obviously not quite where I would like it to be, has (after some fits and starts) actually improved a great deal. Paradoxically, however, I've been very lazy about writing in here, possibly because I now actually have something to write about. (Maybe that's why Livejournal has such an 'angsty' rep; it's when you are bored and lonesome and frustrated that you have the most time and will to write?) That being said, I don't want to let this thing fade off into the sunset, either, and I would like to write down some positive things (because the pendulum always swings the other way and I want to have something nice to look back at when I return to this place rather than a neverending wall of despair). So, I suppose this is my first step to getting this journal back in gear. I've got a couple concerts I went to, a couple friends I've met, and more French/gym related stuff (a good staple for when I can't think of anything else to write about). Sadly, I haven't had the chance to game this semester but I'm hoping that there might possibly be a GoPlayPDX going on over the Christmas break. I'm also hoping to get a game of Diplomacy together around here, which would be interesting since I've never played it. So, yeah, I'm going to start posting here again...I swear.
I had fun at the concert, but everything else has fallen through and I'm really frustrated.  It hasn't all been bad lately, I guess, and I'll eventually write something about the concert, etc but I'm really frustrated about my social struggles and I just want to post a quick vent.

Well, it's been a few days, so how am I doing so far?  I went out driving yesterday.  It went better than usual.  I drove to Jacksonville and back.  I tried to remain calm and stay positive and believe that I could do it.  There was one incident, however, when I was making a left turn onto a two lane street and forgot to check both ways.  Thankfully, my father was in the car and stopped me from going, but it's stuff like that which gets me worried because if it wasn't for him, that could have very well been a crash.  I did, however, finally and with much relief make it home.  I'm going to keep going, though.  I wanted to go out today, but my mother had the car all day.  I think I'm going to try to drive in the mornings on the way to RCC.  I've driven to the Library before, which is right next to it, so I know it's something that I'm capable of doing.

Unfortunately, I didn't get out this weekend, even though I wanted to.  My friend, Sarah, from my French class at RCC, invited me out, but it kind of fell through.  I think this is going to be my major stumbling block to happiness, because it's very hard to not internalize it and beat yourself up when your plans fall through or your invitations are not accepted (especially the latter, which has definitely happened to me).  In this case, I think it was just a case of bad luck and busyness on the part of her (since we've hung out a couple times before), but it's still a touch disheartening.  However, in some good news, my friend Jackson Tegu, designer of The Hydra and all-around awesome guy, is coming to Ashland on tour with his indie rock group, Google Maps, tomorrow night, which will be awesome.  Also one of those times when I wish I had wheels or that the buses ran later (more the latter, honestly) because cabs are expensive.  I'm actually planning on staying at the local hostel because it's probably as cheap and is actually good in a way because I don't have to rush home after the show.

So I've got that tomorrow, possibly something with Sarah on Saturday, I think I'm still invited to her birthday party on Wednesday of next week, and I'm going down to Ashland for Halloween even if I have to go by cab, so in spite of my struggles, I suppose I've at least somewhat succeeded at scheduling more things for myself to do.  Unless, of course, I've just jinxed myself and it all falls through. :)

Well, today is my 25th birthday.  I was really depressed leading up to it for obvious reasons: I'm still living at home, I don't have any friends in the area, I've been single my whole life, etc.  Basically, if you've been reading this, none of this will surprise you.  But once I actually made it to the date, I felt a lot better.  Not because my life has improved.  In fact, I still have the same problems, but the symbolic nature of my birthday caused me to reflect on what is wrong with my life and to do something constructive to make it better rather than despair.  So I have resolved to first and foremost, stop running myself down all the time and to try to make things better.  By my 26th birthday, I'd like to have my driver's license, finish my French, get a new job, and move out of my parents' house (and pay off my debt).  And of course, most importantly, try to open up and meet some people.  I often complain about my social difficulties (and they are very real) but the onus is on me to keep persevering and try to make things happen.  I've talked to other of my friends who have been in ruts and got themselves out and even myself, when I was at Hampshire, I managed to make the last two years much better than the first two.  Obviously, it won't all happen overnight, but I'm going to keep trying to make a little progress at a time.  So, here's to the beginning of a new year and hopefully a new me.

Well it's been a while (as in I've posted twice in the past two months...Jesus) so I figured I'd start with the one kinda sorta interesting thing that will happen to me all year.  As all two of you who read this know, I went on a trip back East to see some friends from college.  It was a fun experience and I even ended up getting an unexpected trip to Washington DC out of it as well.  It's pretty long, so I'll post most of it under this link.

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I'm sorry for neglecting you for so long.  I've been lazy.  But I will starting posting again on a regular basis tomorrow.